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MMD > Archives > December 1999 > 1999.12.06 > 05Prev  Next

The Life Of The Piano Roll Arranger (Humor)
By Andy Taylor

1.  You have 100 arrangements that took two years to do --
and the public likes only one.

2.  You sell 100 rolls -- of that title only, and you can't
give the rest away.

3.  A leaky player will play your arrangement perfectly, but a fine
reproducing piano plays two bars and then falls off all three legs.
You are sued for the damage.

4.  Your interpretation of the music requires people to read the
title in order to figure out what it is.

5.  There is no use in printing lyrics; Aunt Molly can't sing anyway.

6.  You play an orchestration roll you arranged.  Everyone in the room
hits the floor and hides behind the couch; they think it's a machine
gun attack.

7.  You get your new rolls from the perforator and can't wait to hear
them, then your player suddenly quits working for no reason.

8.  After playing your rolls, you find your piano missing the next
morning, with a letter of resignation where it used to stand.

9.  You get to go to McDonald's once a year and spend your royalties.

10.  You get a "Page Fault" error in Cakewalk's "Piano Roll" view.

11.  You get a roll order and accidentally rip the last copy of the
selection the customer wanted.

12.  You sign your rolls "played by anonymous".

13.  You spent a week on an arrangement, just to scrap it and
start over.

14.  Your computer looses all of your music files.

15.  A player rebuilder plays one of your selections, and immediately
takes the piano to the shop to find out what's wrong with it.

16.  You view peanut butter and crackers as a fine meal.

17.  You're forced to add a disclaimer to the roll leader.

18.  While punching your arrangements the perforator breaks the
punch ram and it flies 30 feet into the air, crashing down on a
little old lady.

19.  You spend days preparing the stencil belt, only to find out that
you have the wrong lyrics.

20.  Critics grade your lyric spelling, but never comment on the music.

Andy Taylor
Tempola Music Rolls

(Message sent Mon 6 Dec 1999, 23:51:48 GMT, from time zone GMT-0600.)

Key Words in Subject:  Arranger, Humor, Life, Piano, Roll

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