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MMD > Archives > February 2000 > 2000.02.07 > 05Prev  Next


Laughable Piano Maintenance Instructions
By Andy Taylor

Thanks to all for the advice.  Speaking of pinblocks, I ran across
the instructions to the new R.A.M. pianos and just had to share this
laughable paragraph with you all.

> XII. Piano maintenance and repair
>
> Tuning is not required for the piano's sake, but for yours.  Most
> player pianos will sound fine for 5 or even 10 years.  Do not have
> the piano tuned unless it sounds bad to you.  All pianos have a
> limited number of times that they can be tuned before the pin block
> wears out, since it is just wood and the pins are steel.  When this
> happens, the piano tuner will advise you to replace the strings and
> install over sized pins."

Translation: Please keep your tuner far, far away from the piano.
We don't want him pronouncing it "dead" until the warranty is up !

> "Tuning is not required for the piano's sake, but for yours.
> Most player pianos will sound fine for 5 or even 10 years"

Okay, so let your piano sink a quarter step or more, then suddenly
bring it up to pitch and listen to all those lovely false beats in the
treble, due to the speaking segments having "dents" in them where they
rested on the bridge pins!

Maybe if you're a tin-eared ogre.  I'd rather take a butt whipping than
listen to my piano out of tune.  It's one of my pet peeves.  That, and
an engine that misses, or a piano roll that won't track.

> "When this happens, the piano tuner will advise you to replace
> the strings and install over sized pins."

As Tim Allen would say on "Home Improvement", "Aaaagghhh??????"

Well, I thought those were restored units; you would think so, especially
at a price of $10K, and the amazing thing is that people buy these PSOs
(piano shaped objects).  I sure wish I could sell my upright pianos for
half that much, and I would throw in a Pianomation unit to boot.

Fact: unless the piano is falling apart, not counting labor, it costs
around $300 and two days to restring an old upright.  Considering what
these pianos bring, profit-wise, it would be money well spent, or maybe
it's just cheaper to write that paragraph!

I have been accused by some of doing the wrong thing at times.  but if I
ever pawned off a old piano to a customer like that, The MMD'ers would
tie me up with piano wire and throw me in the sea, with a piano plate
tied to my ankle, just to make  sure I _stayed_ there!

Laughing hysterically,
Andy Taylor


(Message sent Tue 8 Feb 2000, 01:53:07 GMT, from time zone GMT-0600.)

Key Words in Subject:  Instructions, Laughable, Maintenance, Piano

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