Jody & Robbie,  I just laughed myself silly over this one.  You might
want to include this in the Sunday edition.

 [ It's just what Joyce Brite needs!  :)  -- Robbie ]

 - - -

AN ANNOTATED THERMOMETER (degrees Fahrenheit)

 +50
 ~ New York tenants turn on the heat
 ~ Minnesotans plant gardens

 +40
 ~ Californians shiver uncontrollably
 ~ Minnesotans sunbathe

 +35
 ~ Italian cars don't start

 +32
 ~ Distilled water freezes

 +30
 ~ You can see your breath
 ~ You plan a vacation in Florida
 ~ Politicians begin to worry about the homeless
 ~ Minnesotans eat ice cream

 +25
 ~ Boston water freezes
 ~ Californians weep pitiably
 ~ Cat insists on sleeping with you on your bed

 +20
 ~ Cleveland water freezes
 ~ San Franciscans start thinking favorably of Los Angeles
 ~ Green Bay Packers fans put on T-shirts

 +15
 ~ You plan a vacation in CANCUN !!!
 ~ Minnesotans go swimming

 +10
 ~ Too cold to snow
 ~ You need jumper cables to get the car going

 0
 ~ New York landlords turn on the heat

 -5
 ~ You can hear your breath
 ~ You plan a vacation to Hawaii

 -10
 ~ American cars don't start
 ~ Too cold to skate

 -15
 ~ You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo
 ~ Miamians cease to exist
 ~ Minnesotans lick flagpoles

 -20
 ~ Cat insists on sleeping with you in your pajamas
 ~ People in LaCrosse think about taking down window screens

 -25
 ~ Too cold to kiss
 ~ You need jumper cables to get the driver going
 ~ Japanese cars don't start
 ~ Minnesota Twins head for spring training

 -30
 ~ You plan a two-week hot bath
 ~ Minnesotans shovel snow off roof

 -38
 ~ Mercury freezes
 ~ Too cold to think
 ~ Minnesotans button top button

 -40
 ~ Californians disappear
 ~ _Car_ insists on sleeping with you in your bed
 ~ Minnesotans put on sweaters

 -50
 ~ Congressional hot air freezes
 ~ Alaskans close the bathroom window
 ~ Green Bay Packers practice indoors

 -60
 ~ Walruses abandon Aleutians
 ~ Minnesotans put gloves away, take out mittens
 ~ Boy Scouts in Eau Claire start Klondike Derby

 -70
 ~ Minneapolis residents replace diving boards with hockey nets
 ~ Ridgeway snowmobilers organize trans-river race to Buffalo, WI

 -80
 ~ Polar bears abandon Baffin Island
 ~ Girl Scouts in Eau Claire start Klondike Derby

 -90
 ~ Lawyers chase ambulances for no more than 10 miles
 ~ Wisconsinites migrate to Minnesota thinking it MUST be warmer

 -100
 ~ Santa Claus abandons North Pole
 ~ Minnesotans pull down earflaps

 -173
 ~ Ethyl alcohol freezes

 -445
 ~ Superconductivity

 -452
 ~ Helium becomes a liquid

 -454
 ~ Hell freezes over

 -456
 ~ Illinois drivers drop below 85 MPH on I-90 freeway

 -458
 ~ Incumbent politician renounces a campaign contribution

 -460  (Absolute Zero)
 ~ All atomic motion ceases
 ~ Minnesotans agree that it's getting a "mite nippy" !