[ Reprinted from MMDigest 971116 ]

Jody & Robbie,  I just laughed myself silly over this one.  You
might want to include this in the Sunday edition.

AN ANNOTATED THERMOMETER (degrees Fahrenheit)

+50
 ~ New York tenants turn on the heat
 ~ Minnesotans plant gardens

+40
 ~ Californians shiver uncontrollably
 ~ Minnesotans sunbathe

+35
 ~ Italian cars don't start

+32
 ~ Distilled water freezes

+30
 ~ You can see your breath
 ~ You plan a vacation in Florida
 ~ Politicians begin to worry about the homeless
 ~ Minnesotans eat ice cream

+25
 ~ Boston water freezes
 ~ Californians weep pitiably
 ~ Cat insists on sleeping with you on your bed

+20
 ~ Cleveland water freezes
 ~ San Franciscans start thinking favorably of Los Angeles
 ~ Green Bay Packers fans put on T-shirts

+15
 ~ You plan a vacation in CANCUN !!!
 ~ Minnesotans go swimming

+10
 ~ Too cold to snow
 ~ You need jumper cables to get the car going

 0
 ~ New York landlords turn on the heat

-5
 ~ You can hear your breath
 ~ You plan a vacation to Hawaii

-10
 ~ American cars don't start
 ~ Too cold to skate

-15
 ~ You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo
 ~ Miamians cease to exist
 ~ Minnesotans lick flagpoles

-20
 ~ Cat insists on sleeping with you in your pajamas
 ~ People in LaCrosse think about taking down window screens

-25
 ~ Too cold to kiss
 ~ You need jumper cables to get the driver going
 ~ Japanese cars don't start
 ~ Minnesota Twins head for spring training

-30
 ~ You plan a two-week hot bath
 ~ Minnesotans shovel snow off roof

-38
 ~ Mercury freezes
 ~ Too cold to think
 ~ Minnesotans button top button

-40
 ~ Californians disappear
 ~ _Car_ insists on sleeping with you in your bed
 ~ Minnesotans put on sweaters

-50
 ~ Congressional hot air freezes
 ~ Alaskans close the bathroom window
 ~ Green Bay Packers practice indoors

-60
 ~ Walruses abandon Aleutians
 ~ Minnesotans put gloves away, take out mittens
 ~ Boy Scouts in Eau Claire start Klondike Derby

-70
 ~ Minneapolis residents replace diving boards with hockey nets
 ~ Ridgeway snowmobilers organize trans-river race to Buffalo, WI

-80
 ~ Polar bears abandon Baffin Island
 ~ Girl Scouts in Eau Claire start Klondike Derby

-90
 ~ Lawyers chase ambulances for no more than 10 miles
 ~ Wisconsinites migrate to Minnesota thinking it MUST be warmer

-100
 ~ Santa Claus abandons North Pole
 ~ Minnesotans pull down earflaps

-173
 ~ Ethyl alcohol freezes

-445
 ~ Superconductivity

-452
 ~ Helium becomes a liquid

-454
 ~ Hell freezes over

-456
 ~ Illinois drivers drop below 85 MPH on I-90 freeway

-458
 ~ Incumbent politician renounces a campaign contribution

-460  (Absolute Zero)
 ~ All atomic motion ceases
 ~ Minnesotans agree that it's getting a "mite nippy" !